SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL
I give you my word, and my word is my bond, that I will not be mentioning Mr Jacqui Smith in this glamorous new post, even though I can't find contempt enough for a man who would invoice the state for...
View ArticleCOMPLETELY CHILDISH BEHAVIOUR
As a hugely unrepentant smoker and mother of six, I do struggle with one thing: the smoking ban. Actually, I struggle with five things, but noone is interested in the other four, typically, so smoking...
View ArticleGONE TO ANTIGUA; I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW MUCH YOU'LL ALL MISS ME
Yes, well, off to have fun in the sun with Numb. I know you will all be asking yourselves what I have done to deserve my glamorous life? I can sum it up in one word: Godliness. I am without question...
View ArticleWHEN I COME HOME WILL YOU TELL ME HOW TO DO LINKING AND PASTING ETC SCARLA
I havew been drinking Ti Punch and daiquiris. It is a quarter to three.It's a quarter to threeThere's noone in the placeexcept you and meso set em up JoeI gpt a little story I thnk you should...
View ArticleDIPLOMATIC UNDERCURRENTS
Mes chers amis de mon coeur, or words to that effect. This is a very brief, insubstantial missive but I have far better things to do. Here I am on Marie Galante, and I can imagine how you are biting...
View ArticleRETURN OF THE NATIVE
Yes, I am home. And thank you very much; thank you very much indeed for the measly amount of endorsement I received during my Caribbean cavortings. Talk about dwindling support! Who am I? Margaret...
View ArticleNow THIS is the kinda guy I have in mind
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yxi6QDwQyLUYes, you may congratulate me. I have learned linking. Thank you, Scarla.
View ArticleBEDSIDE MANNA
Mes chers amis, more glorious weather in the Thames Valley! How I revel in the God-given microclimate that is our lot in the Royal County! You will be excited to hear that I am still in bed, trying...
View ArticleOMNIBUS EDITION
My dear friends, I will be using this discourse to showcase my italics, bolds and linkings. Some of my attempts will fail, but I shall not be downhearted. I shall press on regardless, a bit like...
View ArticlePOUNCER LAUREATE
I cannot imagine why they gave the Laureateship to that dreary old lesbian when they could've had me, Barry Teeth, Maroon or Iris Noble, the poetess of Moggs Cross who used to work for Hallmark Cards....
View ArticleMORE COCK RINGS AND DIPSOMANIAC COUNSEL
My dear friendsSome of you may recoil in horror and alarm at the title of this sumptuous new post. Some of you. However, my Sitemeter (which I installed all on my own, no help from anyone, Scarlet...
View ArticleDON'T MOVE, BABY, I'M ONLY STOPPING TO FILL MY MOUTH WITH ICE
For this new, glamorous post, and for this new post alone I am having to come clean hemhem. Or cleaner. A bit clean. A tiny shard of truth. In the real world I am not the lotus-eater I may appear...
View ArticleI AM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD
You see, anyone Googling "who is the most beautiful woman in the world?"will be led to this opulent new post, and good thing too. Because it is true.Anyhoo, I was getting ready to go out on Saturday...
View ArticlePer Favore Smetti di Parlare ad Alta Voce in Questa Lingua Irritante
Just brief tidings this evening, I am afraid, for I am Rimini-bound tomorrow and must be rested and prepared for my Itie public. During my absence, the household will be catered for by Mrs Rumteigh,...
View ArticleWAGES OF SIN
Hi Honey, I'm ho-ome. I can imagine how thrilled you all must be! Rest assured, I will be giving you the skinny on Rimmy just as soon as I am choc-full of Sinequan and soda, but for now I provide...
View ArticleDEMOGRAPHICS
My dear friendsI have just come in from a terrible evening at a drearsome bar in Windsor. Over-priced and under-staffed, the clientele was of the basest kind: vile old junk-bond traders, lady...
View ArticleBODY FASCIST
Mes chers amisMy friend, Mapstew, asks why I wouldn't want to be Beth Ditto, and I can answer this impertinent question with two words: fat lesbian. I would be completely hopeless as a fat person, and...
View ArticleMUMMERSET
Mes tres chers amisI will be incommunicado for some days. Tomorrow, I have to deliver Mutti, the glamorous old harridan, to her cousin's cottage in Corfe Castle, a gloomsome model village, built to...
View ArticleSUM OF ALL ITS PARTS
Mes chers amisHow grateful I am to you all for your continued interest in my godson, Wulfric. I know that there is just one question on your lips tonight: what did he get? Well, you may all crack open...
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